Current Letters

He is kind of a busy person, beside he works outside the city. I knew him through a chat community site. I was so happy at first to have someone like him in my life, but unfortunately he wasn't giving me any of his time. When he comes on vacation, all the time he is busy with friends, family and work matters, and that pissed me off and made me behave so bad as to treat him harsh and not call him for days (only him calling me every day). The past few months I wanted to get his attention back and started making what I consider the mistake of my life. I began showing him that I'm having fun with my friends and that I'm always out with them. He didn't gave much interest to know my friends, only when he felt that I know too many guys. I started teasing him and showing him that my friends are much more important to me than him. He was always trying to show that he cares, but not much as I want. He was always trying to help yet I make him feel that my friends can help too. Anyway that led to things to be messed up. He started to yell at me every time I mention my friends or talk about them. Then there was fighting for silly reasons, yet I knew jealousy was the main reason. I was just so calm when he was mad or angry, trying to absorb his anger, but that made him feel that I don't care and that I'm cold person. A few weeks ago he was started meaning to continually hurt me with knowledge that I promised him that I will only have girlfriends, and that there are no more guys. I changed my phone number, and after all this he was still not trusting me. Things were just gone as he stopped calling me, and I was calling him all the time. Let's say I would call 50 times if he didn't pick up, and when he did pick up he'd just say "Sorry, the phone was away" in a cold, careless way.

The situation changed and I became so needy and clingy, calling him all the time, yet he doesn't call much and he's still hurting my feelings. He said that he doesn't want to find my phone busy if he ever calls, so I started to behave as if I'm his slave and he was commanding me.

People surrounding me noticed the way he was treating me, even parents, and they were just shocked to see their daughter behaving that way with some guy.

With all this I was just not thinking about what they were telling me. I know that he loves me, but I hurt him in every way, and what I just mentioned may be less than the bad way I used to treat him. Besides all this he was getting back with me every time I break up with him, and let's say I used to break up with him for every little thing .

Now he breaks up with for every little thing, and whenever I complain he just keeps reminding of what I have been doing, and how it is hard, until the last fight happened between him and me when I fought with his online girlfriend (by the way she is my friend too). I used to talk to her about my relationship problems with my boyfriend and that stuff, but I was just like shocked when I found out she was telling him what I was telling her, so I decided to delete her of my msn and waited for her to contact me. When she did, I was just rude to her and didn't tell her anything, then I went offline.

The other day I called my boyfriend to check up on him as usual. He was just mad, and when I asked him what's wrong he was just like a pump. He was too harsh and hurt my pride as he was blaming me for how I talked to his girlfriend, and he said that he always finds out that I'm a bad person. He was just yelling at me.

I begged him to understand why I did it, but he was by her side defending her, and that really hurt me. So I hung up and sent him an email saying that I can't go on this relationship if things work out that way, and that he doesn't respect me. He shocked me by replying in a careless way telling me that he was just mad for the way I spoke to his girlfriend, and that shows that I'm a bad person to people, and that I'm losing my friends this way. He also asked to forget the hell about him. As a last decision I repied to him that, ok you are out my mind now. He replied that he knew that a long time ago and that he hoped that I was enjoying this game as I was playing.

Anyway, it has been a month now that I didn't contact him nor him me. He is coming to the city this week. I don't know what to do. We don't share friends or anything that would make me contact him again by accident.

I know that I hurt him all the way, and he does too. He is too stubborn, and that makes me feel that he won't get back to me again. I'm not sure what to do now, so please tell me what to do exactly, and please don't say move on with your life. Wwhat should I do to work things out again without insulting myself or my pride?